I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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