Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
