The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Two words: nipple clamps
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