mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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