your room smells of hookers.
And success
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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