Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girls should come with a carfax report
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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