those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
