I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
