you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I should be sponsored by Trojan
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
