I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
