Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
