I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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So squirting runs in the family.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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