party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
