Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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