I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
