the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
