thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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