I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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