its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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