im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
