and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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