if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
