suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
