oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
