theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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