i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
