I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
