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Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's always time for handjobs
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
