i think i have two assholes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
