He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
