3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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