you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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