in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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