I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
