I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
