once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
