I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
