I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
