just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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