@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
