Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
