New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
