you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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