I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
