So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Enjoy the penises
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
