haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
