You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
