You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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