I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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