mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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