PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
