Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
