Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Randomize
