I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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