I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize