did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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