whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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