He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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