well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
