this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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