I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
