I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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