my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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