youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
