No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need moral support for this bender
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
