You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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