The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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