Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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