Buhtt sex?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
