what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
