Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
