You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
